Hey Girl Hey…
I always try so hard to put words together properly. A lover of language, I struggle with sacrificing how words sounds verses what they mean. But tonight let’s be real. I’ve had one or two drinks so my intellect is loosening to my heartstrings so I just want to tell you a few things that have been on my mind lately.
To start, you confuse me. You giggle with delight when I test you and say things like “one day you might be like me.” You still think of that as a good thing and it’s bewildering. You prefer that I wear sparkles and heels, but no matter what I am wearing you find a way to compliment me. You literally told me the other day after we went swimming, “Oh mom you look so pretty you showered.” I didn’t shower. It’s a really low bar. It’s a really sweet bar. Your brother has followed in your footsteps. He tells me things like, “I like your shirt mama.” This was said yesterday in reflection of an extra large PJ shirt that had a gaping hole in it. He was looking for a way to compliment me. He is two.
Y’all completely drive me crazy. Maybe I should have led with that before I got all mushy gushy. But I have no idea how you can be so intentionally kind to me either. Like you search for it. You search for compliments and opportunities to be kind. You think my crazy is something to aspire to. God bless you.
The things is… I know this is short lived. I am well aware that I will not hold this undeserved reverence soon enough. And the truth is, I am actually in shock you gave me this splendor of second in the first place. But I will take it. Again and again and again.
Because one day you will be 13, and maybe when you are 13 you will see me for who I am, or maybe you will see me worse. I don’t know. But I can’t imagine you seeing me as the hero you see me as today. Today, I do everything wrong and I come before Elsa in your queue of awesome. Tomorrow, I hope I improve, but maybe reality will defog those rose quartz glasses by then. Who knows?
In the mean time, I hope I grow to become the hero you think I am now. The hero you are to me. But between today and tomorrow I will bask in it and be grateful for your unconditional adoration that I will never understand but always appreciate. I know all too well one day my undeserved affection may turn to misguided anger and hate. But for now… I appreciate the threenager more than the teenager. God bless you three.
And yes… you are now four… But barely, and I am unsure of a linguistic teen twist on four so go with it 😉
Thank you and goodnight.